1. Belvedere Vodka in conjunction with Oliver Peoples, DJ Bukowski, and a pair of vintage trousers from Prague, are hosting a Wet Villa Party at The Ace Hotel & Swim Club this Saturday at 12am benefiting the Fixie Bikes For  The Homeless Foundation. Admission: A fixie bike or cash donation in the amount of a fixie bike or a fixie bike and also a cash donation in the amount of another fixie bike. Rachel Bilson to appear.

2. Breezeway 68 Magazine is hosting a neon rat hotel themed pop-up loft at The Parker Hotel.  Didn’t you hear? Eight-track is the new vinyl. Trade in your played out records for some gently used eight-tracks, sip on craft cosmotinis, and nosh on vintage Kogi. The Warped Geniuses will be performing along with an appearance by Adam Brody. 7p-1am.

3. Stefan’s Hipsta Bash. Look no further. Palm Spring’s hottest club is: Murf. Desert club promoter, DJ Officer McNulty has gone all out. They’ve got everything: cargo shorts boutiques, a gemstone Carl Winslow in a bikini, a finch with rabies, and egg leather hair. It’s that thing when Benjamin McKenzie used to wear a gray hoodie underneath his leather jacket and find a hair in his breakfast at the Cohen’s. Invite only. 10pm-late. Benjamin McKenzie to appear.

4. Moleskin and Urban Outfitters are hosting a Recycled Flagship Factory in a Japanese gutter along Interstate 10. Sydney-based Creative Director, Ariel Bleeder designed garbage-themed gift bags, a braid station, a DIY Lasik surgery tent, and an air-conditioned photo/fuck booth. A 1965 Alfa Romeo is performing.  Invite only. 2pm-4pm. An appearance by ETSY store owner and actor, Peter Gallagher.

5. Hard Rock Hotel and Army Surplus are throwing a “Welcome to Summer” Turkish igloo tent loft garage patio. Undisclosed location. Live performances by Mario Batali and the Funky Bunch.  Marky Mark and Spike Jonze to cater curried flatbreads and scotch popsicles. Shepard Smith will interview the 1976 Olympics long jump champion. Password: Salvage Denim. Saturday 3am-early. Mischa Barton to appear.

And more….

My sister saw this genius commercial on television recently (although it’s not new) and sent it over. I decided to research the online dating site and found:

-A lot of  horse-centric profile photos.

-Many members like to “work hard and play hard.”

-Many members are also “a little bit country and a little bit rock and roll.”

-A lot of people originally from a “panhandle” of sorts.

-Multiple references to “quading” which, after a search in the Online Slang Dictionary, means “to ride an ATV.” (This must be what they’re referring to when they say, “City folks just don’t get it!” Although, I did grow up in the Midwest which means at least I know what an ATV is, so suck it, haters.)

-And finally, a lot of people find themselves “easy going.” Naturally…

Any company that creates a commercial that includes a talking horse worried about his owner, a lonely woman in a cornfield, and a cartoon version of the 1930 Grant Wood painting, “American Gothic,” claiming the subjects met on the internet, gets an A+ in my book. Find love, farmers, find love!

Baby sushi. Do you see how tiny this is?

Not yet? Okay, let me show you:

Thumb test!

Luckily, we had a regular size roll left over that we didn’t like. (Well, the end of a regular size roll that is protruding out of the rice, but you get it)

monster!!! rawrarrr

How frickin’ fun is that?! This is the maximum capacity of fun you can have with raw fish. (I’ve decided.) We were lucky to have sat at the sushi bar and that our giggling chef loved entertaining and maybe has a thing for miniatures like we do.  And also lucky we were not feeling “and/or pregnant” that night.

Although, this “Biggie Smalls in rap video hot tub scene” doesn’t seem to be a natural pose for Holly Golightly. Regardless, seeing a person taking a bath in your tea that you are drinking is a nice way to liven up an otherwise drab tea party. And there are so many different options for all of your tea party invitees.  

For your political friends:

Or your skeezy porn friends:

(Because if there’s one thing perv guys are doing, it’s sitting around together staring at naked pieces of paper lounging on their lukewarm cups of lapsang souchong.)

Thanks for taking tea time to a creepier new level, Germans!

Which proves that young children can have realistic views on romantic relationships. Yes, someone, at some point in your life, will try to “ruin your love” and they may do it by metaphorically scooping you or your lover up in their “net.” And when that happens you need to determine whether your love is strong enough to survive a Creeper Sponge’s forward attempts or if you should find another jellyfish in the sea. We may never know how this scenario played out in her head, but we do know that she thinks Sponge Bob needs some fucking braces. 

“Sam, I can only account for what occurs on this base.” -Gerty

(and by books I mean: clothing, mail, and empty Whole Foods vegan chocolate chip cookie wrappers)