My sister saw this genius commercial on television recently (although it’s not new) and sent it over. I decided to research the online dating site and found:

-A lot of  horse-centric profile photos.

-Many members like to “work hard and play hard.”

-Many members are also “a little bit country and a little bit rock and roll.”

-A lot of people originally from a “panhandle” of sorts.

-Multiple references to “quading” which, after a search in the Online Slang Dictionary, means “to ride an ATV.” (This must be what they’re referring to when they say, “City folks just don’t get it!” Although, I did grow up in the Midwest which means at least I know what an ATV is, so suck it, haters.)

-And finally, a lot of people find themselves “easy going.” Naturally…

Any company that creates a commercial that includes a talking horse worried about his owner, a lonely woman in a cornfield, and a cartoon version of the 1930 Grant Wood painting, “American Gothic,” claiming the subjects met on the internet, gets an A+ in my book. Find love, farmers, find love!

Which proves that young children can have realistic views on romantic relationships. Yes, someone, at some point in your life, will try to “ruin your love” and they may do it by metaphorically scooping you or your lover up in their “net.” And when that happens you need to determine whether your love is strong enough to survive a Creeper Sponge’s forward attempts or if you should find another jellyfish in the sea. We may never know how this scenario played out in her head, but we do know that she thinks Sponge Bob needs some fucking braces. 

“Sam, I can only account for what occurs on this base.” -Gerty

(and by books I mean: clothing, mail, and empty Whole Foods vegan chocolate chip cookie wrappers)

I know. Me too. But now you can! For those people who want to fold paper but just can’t seem to fit it in their schedules. 

Cram the ancient, meditative Japanese art in between taking Sophie to piano, dropping off the dry cleaning, picking up your husband from work and then dropping him off at the car dealership so he can get his Toyota Camry that needed a new catalytic converter. Create beautiful swans, flowers, and morph balls in the tranquil three minutes you have between cooking a fried chicken from Thomas Keller’s Ad Hoc cookbook, feeding the baby, checking your email, and finishing that 500 page report that will save your company. You might only have 8 minutes to yourself each day, but goddammit, you will fold paper. And it will be as relaxing and enjoyable as the centuries-old Japanese practitioners intended.

Recently, a series of photographs from the Charles W. Cushman Collection were featured on the Daily Mail online. The photos were taken on a fancy color Kodachrome camera from 1941 to 1942 in New York City. The collection depicted both the city and its people during the time in American history after the Great Depression and during World War II. The above photo and its caption immediately caught my attention and I found myself asking the important question: 

“Why are these homeless men so fucking hot?” 

These 1941 homeless men are dressed better than most moderate to high salaried men in America today. I could name fourteen of my friends that would make out with these vintage homeless men right now. And that doesn’t include Rachel, who once actually brought a homeless guy to her house. 

I wish I could go back in time and tell them, “No! Don’t give up hope, homeless men of the South Ferry doss houses! Invent a time machine and go to the year 2011 where the majority of men wear dirty Hooters t-shirts and those black, shiny shoes they wear on The Jersey Shore, and you will score a cute dame and she will take care of you and give you food and an automobile and a phone that you can take with you anywhere. And you’ll probably be featured on The Sartorialist! Oh, it’s just this website. Nevermind. I am so not explaining what computers are right now.”