1. Belvedere Vodka in conjunction with Oliver Peoples, DJ Bukowski, and a pair of vintage trousers from Prague, are hosting a Wet Villa Party at The Ace Hotel & Swim Club this Saturday at 12am benefiting the Fixie Bikes For  The Homeless Foundation. Admission: A fixie bike or cash donation in the amount of a fixie bike or a fixie bike and also a cash donation in the amount of another fixie bike. Rachel Bilson to appear.

2. Breezeway 68 Magazine is hosting a neon rat hotel themed pop-up loft at The Parker Hotel.  Didn’t you hear? Eight-track is the new vinyl. Trade in your played out records for some gently used eight-tracks, sip on craft cosmotinis, and nosh on vintage Kogi. The Warped Geniuses will be performing along with an appearance by Adam Brody. 7p-1am.

3. Stefan’s Hipsta Bash. Look no further. Palm Spring’s hottest club is: Murf. Desert club promoter, DJ Officer McNulty has gone all out. They’ve got everything: cargo shorts boutiques, a gemstone Carl Winslow in a bikini, a finch with rabies, and egg leather hair. It’s that thing when Benjamin McKenzie used to wear a gray hoodie underneath his leather jacket and find a hair in his breakfast at the Cohen’s. Invite only. 10pm-late. Benjamin McKenzie to appear.

4. Moleskin and Urban Outfitters are hosting a Recycled Flagship Factory in a Japanese gutter along Interstate 10. Sydney-based Creative Director, Ariel Bleeder designed garbage-themed gift bags, a braid station, a DIY Lasik surgery tent, and an air-conditioned photo/fuck booth. A 1965 Alfa Romeo is performing.  Invite only. 2pm-4pm. An appearance by ETSY store owner and actor, Peter Gallagher.

5. Hard Rock Hotel and Army Surplus are throwing a “Welcome to Summer” Turkish igloo tent loft garage patio. Undisclosed location. Live performances by Mario Batali and the Funky Bunch.  Marky Mark and Spike Jonze to cater curried flatbreads and scotch popsicles. Shepard Smith will interview the 1976 Olympics long jump champion. Password: Salvage Denim. Saturday 3am-early. Mischa Barton to appear.

And more….

Baby sushi. Do you see how tiny this is?

Not yet? Okay, let me show you:

Thumb test!

Luckily, we had a regular size roll left over that we didn’t like. (Well, the end of a regular size roll that is protruding out of the rice, but you get it)

monster!!! rawrarrr

How frickin’ fun is that?! This is the maximum capacity of fun you can have with raw fish. (I’ve decided.) We were lucky to have sat at the sushi bar and that our giggling chef loved entertaining and maybe has a thing for miniatures like we do.  And also lucky we were not feeling “and/or pregnant” that night.

Although, this “Biggie Smalls in rap video hot tub scene” doesn’t seem to be a natural pose for Holly Golightly. Regardless, seeing a person taking a bath in your tea that you are drinking is a nice way to liven up an otherwise drab tea party. And there are so many different options for all of your tea party invitees.  

For your political friends:

Or your skeezy porn friends:

(Because if there’s one thing perv guys are doing, it’s sitting around together staring at naked pieces of paper lounging on their lukewarm cups of lapsang souchong.)

Thanks for taking tea time to a creepier new level, Germans!

I made this salad for a dinner party at my friend’s house. People went crazy for it. When they asked for the recipe, I couldn’t really give them an answer because it was an improvised replication of the best salad ever from avec, my favorite restaurant. I told them, “I don’t know, some butter. Chop some fennel. Uhhh like, maybe a pound of brussels sprouts? How many are in a pound? Hmmm.” And then they got mad at me. A few bloggers have also tried to recreate the magicalness and I would guess we all come close enough to be satisfied but never as close as avec’s Koren Grieveson made that fateful spring day in the year two-thousand and nine. Last night I gave it a whirl again to finally get it right. (Or just more right than before.)

Recipe, Best Avec Salad Ever: Brussels Sprouts & Fennel Salad in a Brown Butter Vinagrette

Ingredients:

1 fennel bulb

5 giant brussels sprouts

1/2 cup chopped italian flat leaf parsley

3 oz parmigiano reggiano cheese

5tbs butter

1/4 cup white wine vinegar

salt/pepper

dash of sugar

optional: 1/4 red onion, bunch of dill

will save you a lot of hassle: mandolin 

if not: chef’s knife

Mandolin (or thinly slice) the brussels sprouts and fennel in a large bowl. Add the chopped parsley. Grate the cheese (I prefer the long, thin cheese chunks as opposed to the tiny dot grated ones. Aren’t I a good recipe writer?) Mix it up. Make brown butter. Put the brown butter in a small bowl, add vinegar, and a little sugar, salt, pepper. Now, I’m a crazy vinegar lover so I usually put more than 1/4 cup in, but just taste it to see how you like it. Mix it up and toss. Shave some cheese on top to look pretty.

Regarding the dill and red onions: everyone who ate that salad argues over whether or not those two ingredients were components. So feel free to add if you feel those are two things you might like and omit if not. I’ve had it both ways and they’re both delicious. And if anyone knows the truth, please tell me.

Serves:

1 me

4-6 regular adults

14 anorexics

37 babies

*entirely not true. but she was probably the first one to say, “let’s shred these black leggings and put diamonds in them.”

$8.5 for the first glass, $1 for each additional glass after. Buy three bottomless glasses at $1 each, get the 4th one free. Check-in on facebook and get every prime numbered glass for only $.5. When you finally reach the bottom of the bottomless mimosa, bring your ticket to the hostess to get a free coupon for $2 off your next first glass of bottomless mimosas, making it only $6.5, with each additional glass of bottomlessness still $1. Only available on weekdays and Jewish holidays. If you fail to reach the bottom of the bottomless mimosa, notify your server and you will receive 3 discounted additional glasses with your next purchase of the $8.5 first glass.

What? No. Welll….I guess when you put it that way, yeah. Free refills are $1. Can I bring you some coffee?

“Buy  s’mores stuff today to celebrate the Easter Bunny on Sunday” -Jesus, AD 33 

(who shares a similar sentiment to  Patrick Henry.)

I think more food products should be in joke form, don’t you?

“Why did the Belgian Waffle cross the cast-iron?”

“A priest, a rabbi, and a Pot Pie walk into a crust”

“How many Tampons does it take to stop a period?” (not a food product, per se, but still)

“Yo momma so fat she eat this Almond Nut Mix”

“Knock Knock. Who’s There? Meat.”

“A Mexican, a black guy and a Polish Sausage walk into a bun”

“The doctor is also his Blue Corn Tortilla Chip”

“I just flew in from Denver and boy are my frozen TGIFridays Artichoke Dips tired”

“How many Good Friend cereal boxes do you need to eat to start thinking they’re about to murder you?”

Holly is not related to Brett Favre, but when she was 21 she changed her name from Holly Losenskski to Holly Favre to sound more exotic. Her favorite color is blaze orange.

Holly graduated from the Peshtigo, WI Community College with an Associates Degree in Party Planning, with an emphasis in Holiday Cake Decorating and Crepe Paper Stranding.

She has built her party planning empire from two lawn chairs in her garage to two lawn chairs in her three-season porch and often offers up party planning advice to several online blogs and local newspapers.

Make Your Green Bay Packer Superbowl Party Be Super!

By: Holly Favre

There’s only a few steps- it’s so easy! Here ya go!

1. Wax Cheese Shapes

First things first. There’s no party in Super Bowl Party without cheese that is smashed into a shape and then surrounded by hardened wax that also takes the shape and then is colored to make the shape look like that something even more. Riiiight? Look at these examples. The first is a football player and it’s obviously a Packer because of the wax team colors. I pretend it’s Aaron Rodgers wax cheese and that’s why I slept with mine. Like, it slept on the pillow next to me, I didn’t really sleep with it. LOLOL! The second is a beer. It’s not real beer, just cheese in the shape of beer, you silly slack.  One time I got drunk and pretended to drink this cheese shape and everyone thought it was HILARIOUS.

2. Decorate A Feral Horse

As most people do, I have like 30 horses that just run around my yard from October to May. I suggest you go outside with your child and a rope and get one of those horses. I had to borrow the neighbor kid, lol. Once you get it, bring it into your house and spray paint it green G. I got my spray paint at Menards (“Save big money at Menarrrds!”) and I only used a little bit of it on the horse so now I can reuse it for when I have yard sales too. Put this G horse outside your home so your guests know which one is yours. On the invitations write, “My  house will be the one with the Horse Surprise in the Yard! LOLOLOL!” and everyone will have no trouble findin’ it!

3. Party Hairdo

As a hostess with the mostest, it’s essential you have a great hairdo for your party. Who’s supposed to be the best lookin’ one at the party? You are! LOLOLOLOLOL!!!! I get this hairdo for EVERY party I throw. My friend Tina Galslinskiski does it for me at the hair salon in her kitchen (LOLOL) but you can print off this photo and take it to your favorite hair salon and ask for it. I get TONS of compliments whenever I have it and I feel like a million bucks whenever it’s on my head.

I reccommend you get it done at Trend Setter salon, where the trends are set.  If you print out a coupon from the Savers Pagers it will only be $8 plus tip. I tip in recipes, mostly.

If you get it done on your noon-hour they play all the best stories. Like: One Life, Greys, All My C’s, Rachel R, Dallas re-runs, As The World, Ghost Whisp, Two and A Half, etc.etc.

And they have tanning too! Here’s an extra tip because I love ya: bring one of those wax cheeses into the tanning bed with you and put it on your stomach. Then in 4 hours, voila! You will have a tan line the shape of the cheese! I once got a turkey shape on my upper thigh. The guys at Skmo’s loved it!

4. Pre-Game Prayer

“Our father Vince Lombardi, who art in football heaven, hallowed be thy game, thy football come thy will be done in Superbowl as it is at Lambeau, give us this day our daily win, and forgive those Steelers who tressssspassssagainsssstusssss. Lead us not into losing the Superbowl but deliver us from a fourth quarter tie, ah-men.” And then it’s partytime!

Email me if ya have any party questions. I just got email on my phone so I’ll write back right away! LOLOLOL!!!!

love,

holly

So, I bought it. Mostly because I wanted to know if it they would pop. Would there seriously be the sounds of popping pig skin emanating from my tiny microwave? It turns out, no, they don’t make any sharp bursting noises but they do sizzle and crackle once you tear the bag open.

I stared at this bowl of chicharrones (the most fun way of saying skin and membrane from any animal of the genus, Sus) for about 15 minutes until my curiosity took over my disgust and I ate one. It wasn’t as bad as I thought. It wasn’t this. But it also was certainly not the delicious spicy pork rinds served at The Publican. Or this time a professional chef made a culinary masterpiece out of a little pig and I ate it and loved it.