“How To Touch A Naked Man”
Cosmo’s guide to teaching young, impressionable high school girls how to be skanks is now on sale at your local supermarket check-out aisle. Which is my favorite aisle because of the “don’t forget you need” section. You know- the hand santizer, lighters, lint rollers, Junior Mints, home pregnancy tests, deck of cards section. I’d like to know who decided the universal items to stock there. Because I’ve never been in a check-out aisle and thought, “Ya know? This reminds me, I might be pregnant.” or “They’re right, I *am* running low on lighters with a horses on them.” If I were to stock that aisle, I’d put things you completely forget you need until you see them. Like birthday cards and vitamin D and Old El Paso make-your-own-taco kits.
Anyway, poor Carrie Underwood, standing so pretty next to such ugly copy. “Garrrr Look Here Girls! I show you how to touch naked man. Then we gather stick and rocks and saber tooth tiger bones. Gaaarrrrr. “
That is such a messed up picture of Carrie. it looks too photoshopped, and definitely not the person to put on the cover of such skankorific topics.
perhaps I am biased… HA
LOL, sadly I don’t know too many girls over the age of 16 who can’t think of 16 “naughty” ways to touch their man.
I mean really…who even needs an article like that if you’re old enough to have driven yourself to the store and bought it?
And if you’re young enough not to have figured out this information on your own we don’t need to “skankify” you prematurely. LOL, great post!
I’d like to volunteer to write the more readable version of that article:
“Touch his dick.”
There, Cosmo, you can send the check to …
@Little Ol ‘ Me: exactly! If you’re reading this magazine, you’re too young to know how to touch a man.
@Dave: Yep. That just saved three pages of unnecessary copy.