strollers, are you for real?

The neighborhood I reside in is slowly being infiltrated by mommies and strollers. Since I’m not a bratty hipster that has to live in the kewelst most obscure neighborhood in the city, filled only with artists and vagabonds and hustlers, this doesn’t really bother me. Babies are cute and so are the dogs they are always being walked around with… but what I’ve noticed is the increasingly irritating trend in fancy fucking strollers.

The strollers of today look like tiny baby space machines. Why? Why are strollers now $3,000 and come equipped with springs and shock absorbers and sun shades and diamond wheels? Do you remember when strollers once looked like this?

When they were just a peice of cloth with some wheels? Because I do. I pushed my little sister around in some cloth with wheels and she turned out just fine and now these mommies find it necessary to buy these ridiculous over-priced strollers and one-up all the other mommies with fanciest stroller. Another problem is that they are always bringing these strollers in to morning brunch spots. Old school strollers used to fold up into a tiny stick you could practically fit it in your jean jacket pocket. Now, they take up 9 square feet that could be used for another table to sit down and enjoy some huevos rancheros. And they take up so much room on the street you have to smash yourself  into a building to let them pass. Well ya know what, yuppie mommies? You better watch out. Because if I have a child or even baby-sit a child, I’m going to wheel them around in a pram.

Yep.  A pram. And it’s going to take up so much space at brunch, you’re going to have to wait an extra 40 minutes to sit down. And I might roll over your feet too on the way out.  And its going to take up so much room on the sidewalk, you and your dog and husband and fancy babies are going to have to just move on over, because Pram Baby is coming through. Watch out for Pram Baby. Now, who wants me to baby-sit their kids?