observations based on reading the Huffington Post “Living” Section

If I were an alien from the planet, Zuelconerf, and my only news were gleaned from the Huffington Post “Living” Section, this is what I would know about Americans. We are:

-stessed

-unhappy

-hooked to blackberries

-divorced

-full of sugar

-upset

-unhappy

-sad

-anxious

-starving

-not creative

-always crying

-unemployed

-making mistakes in relationships

-not doing yoga

-unhappy from not doing yoga

-obsessed with some family called “The Obamas” (see also: style section)

-fat

And then I would fly my spaceship far, far away from this planet called Earth, full of obese, sad, oafs who try to get happy by reading articles from a machine day after miserable day. Is this really how it is? Really?