Music Fans.

Dear Music Fans that Get Passes for Box Seating,

Why the hell don’t you move? I don’t mean, move over so I can sit there, I mean actually move. There is a band playing. A band that you apparently love because you have VIP box/media/whatever seats up there  with 5 – 20 other select people. Why don’t you move? Do you see the people down on the ground that are tapping their feet, whipping their hair around and/or otherwise moving their body in some sort of fashion to the musical stylings of [insert band name, but in this case, Jack White, Dean Fertita, Jack Lawrence, and Alison Mosshart]?!?! Music wasn’t invented two million years ago because people wanted to not move. It was invented because cavemen wanted to feel something, enjoy the rhythm, or at the very least, tap their hands against their sabertooth tiger jeans. The only explanation I can think of is that you feel uncool moving. No one else is moving unless it’s to sip their beer. You feel funny moving. You haven’t moved since gym class in 7th grade and then once at your cousin’s wedding. Well, here is my answer: go home. Go home and put on the album and not move on your couch. Because how do you think Jack White [insert name of any artist] feels when they look up there and sees you not moving? They feel like shit. Like they’re not doing their job. It’s like if a doctor performed liposuction and then saw you eating a shake from Wendy’s the next day: they feel like their time is a waste. If there is one ray of hope in this serious, serious matter, it’s that Jack White [insert name of any artist] can look down to the ground floor to see people enjoying the music. You non-movers, while you may have exclusive VIP seats, are outnumbered by awesomeness on the ground.

Peace.

xoxo

Us Bad Guys