Gwyneth Paltrow is Girl Don Draper: Your Weekly GOOP
GWYNETH: I’m fat.
DR. ALEJANDRO JUNGER: I need people to buy my shit.
GWYNETH: What is your shit?
DR. ALEJANDRO JUNGER: A totally fucking awesome cleanse that will melt the fat off all of you fat, fat American women.
GWYNETH: Kewel. I’m actually British but whatevs. How about this? You give me your fat cleanse and then I’ll write about in my highly annoying successful web newsletter. That way I will be skinny and you will be rich. I usually give my friends free advertising. Because I’m the shitty British, woman version Don Draper.
DR. ALEJANDRO JUNGER: Kewel.
Gwensy’s GOOP this week was a long article about how Dr. Junger’s cleanse will make you feel pure and hot and skinny and rid of toxins. It’s called The Clean Program and it’s only $350. Here’s a cleanse that will cost you $0: drink water and that’s it. Stop eating, drink water and you will lose weight and toxins. Then you can spend $350 on something useful like clothes and trinkets and wall stick ‘ems for each holiday.
Fave Quote: “I feel pure and happy and much lighter (I dropped the extra pounds that I had gained during a majorly fun and delicious “relax and enjoy life phase” about a month ago).” -GP
Hm. If you think about what Gernerth just said, it sounds a little something like: “I am typically anxious and hate life.” and “When I enjoy life, I get fat” and “I named my baby Apple because I’m a jag.”
