Facebook “Friend” Request

Dear Weird Lady,

I received your friend request in my inbox I am sorry to say that I have no idea who you are. I researched further (saw you are a fan of Barack Obama) and I still did not recognize who you were but did discover we had 50 mutual friends, all of which I recognize from high school. Be that as it may, I still don’t know you, so I ignored your friend request.

Apparently, you are very persistent. The next day, I get ANOTHER friend request from you. Except this time- you change your profile picture to your fucking baby. I didn’t recognize you when it was a blurry picture of you by a christmas tree, how the fuck am I going to recognize you by a picture of your god damn baby?! Is it not true that *most* babies look exactly the same, not to mention when it is a blurry photo of the baby by a christmas tree?! (Seriously, you should get a new camera.) Ignore friend request.

Well, lady, you won’t fucking give up. You want my electronic friendship SO badly that you requested it a third time. Do you not understand that I don’t recognize your face, aided by the fact that you most likely got married and have a new last name, and topped off with the fact that you changed your picture to your fucking blurry baby?!

Stop. Requesting. My. Friendship.

Unless you’re going to add a message that says, “Hey, we cut a frogs foot off one time in 8th grade together. LOL. Will you please allow me to read our wall and see your status updates and favorite things and intimate pictures and secrets? Thanx!” don’t request me. You are practically anonymous.

Sincerely,
Girl Facebook User

(as originally posted, but still relevant today, in my Facebook “notes”, April 2008)